Last night's episode of Top Chef Masters brought back six renowned chefs from season one who had failed to advance and were enough butt-hurt about it to return for redemption. Rounding out the field were Rick Moonen, who last season failed to put out a quickfire dish in time, Wylie Dufresne the molecular gastronomist and his BFF Graham Elliot Bowles, Mark Peel, Jonathan Waxman, and testy Frenchy Ludo Lefebvre.

Via bravotv.com

​The quickfire challenge consisted of pairing an unsubtly product-placed Stoli cocktail with an appropriate dish. The producers made a leap in logic and assumed that since the challenge revolved around sugary foo foo drinks, the most fitting judges for this round would be the Real Housewives of Orange County. The problem with this decision is that the housewives are Botox and saline-stuffed idiots who don't like pork dishes because they "don't like red meat." They also seemingly like every dish until food critic Gael Greene makes an intelligent and informed critique, at which point they waffle back and go, "Oh yeah, I thought that too." Those poor chefs - they should have just heated up some Lean Pockets and served it with a box of Franzia.

Despite the unfortunate judging, Jonathan Waxman and his lemongrass mojito pairing of pork tenderloin (the other WHITE meat) and poblano-stuffed shrimp with avocado butter was the winning dish. He gets an advantage for the main challenge by being able to choose which classic pub plate he wants to recreate. He opts for shepherd's pie because it's super-yum.

Since in this season of TCM the quickfire scores aren't added to the main challenge scores to create a cumulative star count, Rick Moonen alternately breathes a sigh of relief and feels pissed off that it's not how season one was structured. Oh, well, it doesn't matter now because "the seafood guy" snatches fish and chips away from Ludo, who immediately dubs Moonen Public Enemy #1, much like he did with Rick Bayless back in season one. I'm assuming he just holds grudges against guys named Rick. Ludo must despise getting Rick-rolled.

The chefs all present their dishes in a divey Irish bar/restaurant that almost certainly smells like stale Guinness and piss. Ludo's Irish stew was pretty to look at but strayed too far from the dish's classic composition, leaving the judges and bar patrons scratching their heads. He later goes on an extremely stereotypical "ze French are zo much better zan ze British" rant, which is pretty amusing. Poor Ludo just wants to COOK HIS OWN FOOD, damnit, but they never have a French-themed challenge. Such is the plight of every Top Chef contestant for the past six seasons - they just want to cook their food, but those damn producers won't let them.

Graham does a twist on steak and kidney pie that's heavy on the steak and scant on the kidney, while his bro-chef Wylie shows remarkable restraint and serves bangers and mash without a side of lickable wallpaper or three-course dinner gum. Jonathan's shepherd's pie looks so good that I want to take it back behind the middle school and get it pregnant, and Rick makes a chicken-fried sable fish and chips that looks delectable.

Unfortunately, Mark's toad in a hole didn't turn out due to a cold oven rise-blocking his Yorkshire pudding. Although his seafood sausage, onion sauce and greens were well-received, the doughy pudding proved to be unforgivable. I'm more put off by the fact that his dish looks like a cautionary photo you'd see when learning about STDs in Health class:

​In the end, Jonathan goes two for two and wins the elimination challenge as well as the quickfire. Rick Moonen also scores a spot in the elimination round with his fish and chips, while Ludo spits on the ground, adjusts his beret and curses Rick's everywhere (he's coming for you, Moranis).

Next week on TCM, the remaining wave of contestants cook for the cast of Modern Family, merging two shows I love for the first time since Hill Street Blues and Cop Rock.